


Vampire Python

by Cheriluvs10



Category: Monty Python RPF
Genre: F/M, RPF, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 11:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11126133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheriluvs10/pseuds/Cheriluvs10
Summary: Monty Python RPF.  One of the Pythons has a dark secret that he's no longer able to keep. Set during series 3 of Flying Circus and Holy Grail.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Mike smiled as he opened the door of his flat....

"Come in, Eric. Great to see you!" He said in his usual cheery way.

Eric nodded and walked into the room. He looked around and frowned as he noticed all the curtains were drawn making it hard to see anything. He shook his head. He had never been to Mike's flat before but given his bubbly personality, he half expected to see sunlight pouring into all the rooms...not the dark, cold, room he found himself in... Mike looked around the corner of the door leading to his bedroom and smiled...

"Sit down, make yourself at home." He said. "I'm just gonna have a shower and freshen up before we go to Terry's house tonight." 

Eric nodded as he sat down on the plush couch. They had finished a days filming on their python tv series and they were all planning to meet at Terry Jones's house for a script meeting... Eric sighed as he leaned back against the couch. He heard the bathroom door slam and the sound of running water as Mike began his shower. He checked his watch and saw that they still had two hours left. He hoped they would be able to grab a bite to eat before they got to the house. Terry's cooking left something to be desired... 

Eric sighed deeply, completely bored...He began to look around the darkened room and his eyes fell on a stack of thin books on an end table beside the couch. He reached over and picked up the book on top and opened it. His eyes widened as he saw the neat handwriting and he realized that he was looking at one of Mike's journals. He knew that Mike had kept journals since he was young but he had never seen him writing in them as he did most of his writing at night before he went to bed. 

He closed the book and put it back on the pile...but then, his curiosity got the better of him and he carefully picked up the stack and pulled out the bottom journal. Carrying it in his hand, he walked to a huge drape and pulled it back to reveal a sliding door and a balcony... 

"Mike! I'm gonna go out on the balcony while you get ready!" He called out. 

"Okay" He heard Mike's voice faintly above the sound of the running water.

Eric went behind the drape and unlocked the sliding door. Sliding it and the screen back, he went out onto the balcony. He closed the door and sat down in a beaten up lawn chair. He hoped he might be able to read some of the journal before the light faded completely. He opened to the first page and leaned back in the chair and began to read... 

January 2nd, 1963...

Mike shivered as he pulled on a sweater. It was 9 O'Clock in the morning and he had an early class. He finished dressing, said goodbye to his roommate who grumbled back in his sleep and went downstairs. Walking out the door, his teeth began to chatter as the cold wind whipped into his face. Oxford may have looked like a winter wonderland but it was as cold as Hell. Mike hoped the term would go by quickly. He hated these early morning classes in the dead of winter. 

He hurried along clutching his history books to his body. He had World History 201 ....a class he dreaded. Professor MacDonald was an ill tempered man who ruled his class with an iron hand and a temper to match. Mike didn't want to be late for his class especially since he had gotten the notion in his head that Mike was nothing but a bum and would never amount to anything. He was eager to prove him wrong. 

As he hurried along, he waved to a fellow history student, Terry Jones. He was heading in the opposite direction on the way to a different history class. He didn't know him that well, although he was in a couple of his classes. Terry didn't seem to socialize much...prefering to spend his time with his medieval history books. Terry waved back to him and hurried on...Mike noticed that he had a bigger load than him and half the books seemed to be about Chaucer and the Crusades. Mike shook his head. He had never met anyone so obsessed with the past. He wondered if all of that knowledge about medieval times and King Arthur would even come in useful for him someday. He seriously doubted it.... 

Suddenly, Mike yelped as his foot hit a patch of ice. He felt himself fall back as books flew everywhere and he let out an 'oof' as he hit the pavement with a thud. He lay on the ground wondering if he had broken anything. As he tested all his limbs making sure they were alright, he saw a beautiful woman come up and stand over him. She looked down at him with a concerned look on her face... 

"Jesus, Are you alright?"she asked.

Mike nodded.

The girl grabbed his arm and helped him to his feet. As Mike brushed snow off of his clothes, the girl began to retrieve his books....

"No, no...You don't have to do that!" Mike said as he noticed what she was doing. 

"It's okay." The girl said as she laughed. "I'm capable of retrieving a few books...okay?"

Mike held up his hands... "No! I didn't mean it like that. I just meant you didn't have to do it. It's my mess." 

The girl smiled at him.

"Well, I believe in being a good Samaritan." she said as she handed Mike his books.

He took them gratefully and thanked her which caused the girl's smile  
to widen.   
"You're very welcome...." 

"Michael."

"Michael. That suits you perfectly" she said looking him up and down. "My name's Rebecca." 

"That suits you too." Mike said and then blushed as he realized what he had said. 

Rebecca laughed as she saw his face turn as red as a beet.

"Where are you going?" she asked. 

"History 201," Mike said pointing to a large building in front of him.

"Really? So am I. I never noticed you in class before." Rebecca said as they started off.

"Well...I mostly sit in the back to avoid Professor MacDonald." Mike said sheepishly.

Rebecca laughed.

"He is a stupid git, isn't he? It's amazing the kind of people they find to instruct the classes around here." she said giggling.

Mike laughed back as he felt himself relaxing. Normally, he was shy around girls but this girl seemed to be able to put him at his ease. As they got closer to their class, though, Mike began to panic. He knew they were ten minutes late now and he dreaded coming into the classroom and seeing everyone's eyes on him. He knew it was cruel to think of it, but he was glad Rebecca was late too. At least he wouldn't have to take the heat alone. As they stopped in front of the door, Rebecca gave him a little grin which filled him with courage. They opened the door and immediately the room fell into a hushed silence. Mike kept his head down and quickly hurried to the first empty seat he could see... 

"Well...Well, Mr. Palin." Professor MacDonald said in a heavy Scottish accent. "I'm so glad you could join the rest of us!" He said sarcastically. "You may have noticed that class started ten minutes ago!" 

Mike nodded...

"Yes, sir...sorry sir." He said quietly.

"I do not tolerate tardiness!" MacDonald continued lecturing. "Tardiness is not acceptable in the workplace and therefore it is not acceptable here!" 

"Piss off!"

Mike's head flew up as he heard Rebecca, beside him, scream out...

"Mike is late because he slipped on a patch of ice and hurt himself. I don't know about you but I'm sure the 'real world' would be understanding about something like that! And the reason I'M late is because I stopped to help him which is probably more than you would have done..." 

Nobody breathed as they all looked at Rebecca and then over to Professor MacDonald who was frozen with shock. They looked back at Rebecca who was continuing to stare at him defiantly...daring him to say something in reply. For the moment, time seemed to stand still as the two of them stared at one another and then finally Professor MacDonald looked away and went to the blackboard grumbling to himself... Rebecca looked over at Mike who was still staring at her with wide eyes, and winked at him. He had a feeling that History 201 was going to be much easier from now on.... 

Eric grinned as he closed the journal. It was interesting to get a glimpse into his friends past. Mike never liked to discuss his college days with the others and Terry didn't hang around with him much until they both got into theater. He chuckled to himself as he stared at the navy blue book. Mike hadn't changed a bit...even after all these years he still had trouble speaking up for himself. He couldn't even begin to count the number of times Jonsey had had to defend his and Mike's sketches to the group because Mike was too reluctant to do it.

He groaned as he got up from the lawn chair. He had been so engrossed in the journal, he didn't notice that he had slid down a little in the seat and now his back ached. As he rubbed his back, he took a look at the journal and decided to borrow it for the night. He was curious to find out what had happened next and the light was fading now. He slid back the door and peeked around the drapes. Mike was nowhere in sight. 

He didn't hear the shower, though, so he figured Mike was drying off and getting his clothes on. He quickly hurried towards the door with the journal hoping that Mike didn't see him. He opened the door and walked out. He quietly closed the door and hurried downstairs and out the front to his car. He opened his car door and leaned in putting the journal on the back seat. He grabbed his jacket and threw it over the journal, hiding it. Closing the door, he hurried into the building and back up the stairs. As he opened the door, he saw that Mike was looking behind the drapes. As he shut the door, Mike jumped and turned to look at him...

"Oh! There you are...I thought you were going out on the balcony?" Mike said.

"Um...I did, but I decided to take a quick walk. I hope I didn't keep you waiting?" Eric said hoping he sounded convincing.

"Nah, I just got all my clothes on. You came back just in time." Mike said, grinning.

Eric breathed a sigh of relief as he saw that Mike had bought his story. 

He watched as Mike grabbed his jacket from the closet and put it on.

"Well...I guess we better get this over with." Mike said grimly.

Eric nodded, dreading another meeting and another argument....

 

*********************

 

"What do you mean quit?" Terry Jones asked in his high pitched Welsh voice.

Across the table from him, John Cleese folded his arms across his chest and fixed Terry with a glare.

"You heard me, Jones!" He said. "I'm gonna quit after this season. I'm sick of being a python!"

Mike looked from John over to Terry and back again. He saw the beginnings of another battle royal. Ever since the beginning of the season, John had voiced loudly over and over his intentions of leaving the group and moving on to solo projects. 

He looked to his left as John sat at the head of the table, a grin on his face as he watched Terry become angrier and angrier. Mike looked across the table to Eric and rolled his eyes. Eric snorted back. Behind John was Terry Gilliam and Graham Chapman. Gilliam had his hands behind his head and his chair leaning back against the wall. Graham was calmly puffing on his pipe and quietly taking in the argument...

"You cannot leave python, John. We're a group!" Terry Jones screeched.

"The Hell I can't!" John countered back. "I don't recall signing a marriage license when I joined this outfit! I for one feel that the show has run it's course! It's time to do something else!"

Eric looked at Terry. His face had turned crimson with anger and his jugular looked like it was about ready to pop out of his neck. He sighed and looked over at Mike. His eyes narrowed as he noticed Mike staring at Terry's jugular too but with a kind of hungry look. Eric blinked his eyes. He was seeing things....

"I can't believe you, John! We finally find an audience. We finally become successful. We finally get a decent paycheck and you wanna quit!"

John slammed his fist down onto the table causing all the teacups to rattle violently...

"WE ARE REPEATING OURSELVES!!! WE HAVE NOT DONE ONE ORIGINAL THING YET THIS SEASON!ALL WE ARE DOING IS RECYCLING THE CRAPPY SKETCHES WE THREW OUT IN SEASON ONE!! HOW COME I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES IT?" John screamed.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT JOHN!" Terry squealed. "UNLIKE YOU, THE REST OF US REALIZE JUST WHAT A GOOD THING WE HAVE GOING FOR US! YOU WANT TO RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE NOW JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK ONE OR TWO SKETCHES ARE REPEATS!"

John snorted. "It's more than one or two, Terry." he said suddenly reverting to his calm upper class tone. "The only original things we've done so far this season is the Cheese Shop sketch and Dennis Moore. I can practically tell you which sketches have been combined to make the others."

Terry glared at John..

"Gee John, Isn't it a coincidence that the two 'original' sketches you mentioned just happen to be yours." He said sarcastically.

John shrugged, saying nothing. He picked up one of the scripts from the table and read through it silently. As the others watched, his mouth turned downward in disdain and he looked back up at Terry who was eyeing him suspiciously...

"The Golden Age of Ballooning, Jones? You gotta be kidding me!" John said raising his eyebrows.

"What's wrong with it?" Terry asked in a challenging tone

"What's wrong with it?" John asked in disbelief. "Where the hell does the sketch stop? What is the deal with you and Mike and novel length sketches? We've already had the Cycling Tour this season and that took up the whole damn show!"

"Well at least Mike and I can come up with a sketch that doesn't require making a list from a thesaurus!" Terry shot back. "The cheese shop sketch you so proudly trumpeted as being original is nothing more than that....a list of cheeses! A three year old can come up with that!"

"And you would know what a three year old can do seeing as you are one yourself." John said coolly.

Mike held his breath as he and Eric slowly began to back away from the table. They could see it in Terry's eyes. Any minute now, he would start throwing a chair at John's head. Instead, Terry slammed his open palm down on the table and let out a scream of pain as he forgot a teacup was in front of him.

Everyone forgot the argument as they rushed to help Terry whose hand was bleeding profusely...

Eric helped him to the kitchen sink and began to pour cold water on his hand trying to clean off the blood and the shards of ceramic still in his hand. Gilliam ran to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet grabbing some iodine, gauze and tape before running back to the kitchen. He pushed his way through John and Graham who were standing in the doorway, both of them too shocked to speak. As Gilliam held Terry's hand under the running water, Eric cleaned his hand and picked out any slivers he could see....

John, suddenly feeling guilty, decided to start cleaning up the mess. 

He turned around and stopped. Mike was standing beside the table, staring with wide eyes at the broken teacup and the pool of blood on it. John stared in confusion as he saw Mike lick his lips....

"Palin!" He yelled causing Mike to gasp as he came out of his trance like state. "What the Hell are you doing? Don't just look at it, clean it up!" He said reverting back to authoritarian mode. 

As Mike nodded and walked to the closet to get a broom, John shook his head and grumbled to himself....

"I swear to God, Mike, sometimes you act like your heads not screwed on right." He mumbled under his breath. 

He grabbed a towel Graham handed him and both of them proceded to mop up the blood as Mike hurried in with a broom and dustpan....

All of this had been silently observed by Eric who was now holding up Terry's hand as Gilliam bandaged it up. He began to wonder what was really going on with his friend. He hoped that the journal might clue him in.


	2. Chapter 2

Eric sighed as he turned off the ignition. It had been a long night and he was finally home. After bandaging Terry's hand up, they rushed him to the nearest emergency room where he ended up getting 13 stitches in his hand. They had spent the better part of the evening there waiting for him to be done and now it was 11 pm at night. He turned in his seat and moved the jacket...grabbing the navy blue journal. He was   
exhausted but he just had to know more about Mike. Rubbing his eyes, he trudged up the steps to his flat....

Eric stretched...After a nice hot shower, he was ready to settle into bed with the journal. He sat a glass of milk by the bedside table and crawled under the covers. He opened the journal and finding where he had last left off, he began to read again....

***

January 12, 1963....

It had been two weeks since that day in Professor MacDonalds class....

Since that day, Professor MacDonald had backed off on his attacks on Mike and he and Rebecca had become close. They had spent almost all their free time together and Mike was thrilled that he had finally found someone who loved him. His last class for the day had finally ended. It was Friday and tonight Mike was going to take Rebecca out to the movies and dinner. Mike whistled to himself as he shaved his face. His roommate, Basil, watched him from his bed. 

"I never knew you were such a ladies man." He teased.

Mike grinned as he finished shaving and wiped the remaining shaving cream off of his face. He slapped on some shaving lotion and put on his best dress pants and sweater. Finishing up, he turned to Basil...

"How do I look?" He asked

"Like a real sex symbol, Mike!" Basil said winking. 

Mike grinned and put on his jacket.

"Thanks! I think so too!" He said.

Basil snorted and grinned.

"Yeah, and someday when you're a history professor or something, women will be fainting in your arms at the side of you." he said rolling his eyes.

"Oh, Piss off. I can't help it if you haven't been laid in three months." 

Mike laughed. 

He ran past Basil narrowly avoiding getting punched on the arm. Laughing he waved to him as he walked out the door...

"Don't walk on a patch of ice and fall on your arse!" Basil called out in a falsetto voice.

"Yes, mum!" Mike said in a kid's voice as he shut the door....

***

Mike parked his car and grinned at Rebecca. They had had a wonderful evening even though their 'dinner' consisted of Big Mac's and french fries. After that, they had gone to see Beach Blanket Bingo with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello. The movie hadn't been all that great, but the darkened theater was perfect for making out...

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Mike. It was the best evening I've had in a long time." Rebecca said squeezing his hand.

"Me too." Mike said.

He kissed her lips and thought how delicious they tasted. He never wanted this night to end. He knew as soon as he got back to the dorm room, Basil would be up wanting to hear all the details...

"I wish this could last forever." Mike said to Rebecca. Rebecca smiled at him.

"There is a way...a way for the two of us to be together forever."

Mike looked at her in confusion. He wondered what she meant by that...

"I don't understand..." He said quietly.

Rebecca smiled and pulled Mike down onto the seat. She put her mouth on the side of his neck and began to kiss and suck at his flesh as Mike moaned in response. He shivered as she ran her hands up under his sweater and began to run her icy cold fingers up and down his chest. As Rebecca continued kissing him, he raised his head and began to suck on her neck and nip at her skin with his teeth. Rebecca let out a growl at this and worked her way back down to Mike's neck sucking harder. Mike's breath came in gasps as he felt himself growing hard.

He never felt so much intense pleasure in all his wife. He finally had found the person he wanted to spend his life with...

Suddenly, Mike's eyes widened and his mouth opened in a silent scream as he felt Rebecca bite down on his jugular. He fought to get up, but she grabbed his hands and held them back over his head pinning him to the seat with an incredible burst of strength. Mike jerked his head from left to right trying to get Rebecca off of him as she began to lap up the blood running from his jugular vein. He slowly stopped   
struggling as he felt his strength begin to leave him. As Rebecca continued to feed, Mike's heart slowed and his vision began to blur as his life ebbed from his body. Just as his heart was about to stop, Rebecca stopped feeding and propped herself up to look at Mike who was gasping for breath. As he watched her, she bit down on her wrist and began to drip her blood into Mike's open mouth...

"This is what I meant by forever..." she said watching with fascination as the drops of blood dripped down.

"No matter where you go or what you do, you'll be mine and mine alone."

She watched as Mike began to convulse underneath her. Her vampire blood   
transforming him into the undead. Mike shook violently and then with one last gasp, he died. Rebecca waited a moment, and then smiled as Mike suddenly blinked and stared at her in shock.

"I'll see you in class Monday." she said to him as she opened the car door.

Slamming it shut, she grinned as she left Mike lying on the front seat.

***

Eric laid the journal on his lap and stared down in disbelief at the pages. He couldn't believe what he had just read...

It couldn't be true. Mike wasn't a vampire! He had seen him out in the daylight, for christ's sake. He knew it would explain some of Mike's weird behavior over the years though...

Eric shook his head...

No! It was just too unbelievable. And yet....

Thoughts of Mike's behavior at the meeting and his expressions when he looked at Terry's jugular and the blood came flooding back to him. Could it really be true?

A sudden knock on the door jolted Eric out of his thoughts. He glanced at the bedside clock and saw it was almost 1 AM. Wondering who would be out this early in the morning, he got out of bed and grabbed his robe. Slipping it on and tying it, he walked to the door and opened it. His eyes widened as he saw Mike standing in the hall with his arms folded over his chest...

"Where's my journal?" He said.


	3. Chapter 3

Eric gulped...

"Journal? What journal?" he said unconvincingly.

He watched as Mike cocked his head and raised one eyebrow...

"Don't try to bullshit me, Idle. I know you have my journal." Mike said impatiently. "It was in the stack of journals by the couch last night and now it's missing, since you've been the only one at my flat lately...I'd say that you're the reason it's missing.

Mike held out his hand...

"I'd like it back if it's all the same to you...please!"

Eric decided to go ahead and ask the questions that had been in his mind since Mike knew he had the journal...

"Whatever happened to Rebecca?" He asked

He watched as Mike dropped his hand and his face went white...

"How far did you read?" He asked quietly

"I stopped after Rebecca left you in your car." Eric said.

He watched as Mike's face went even whiter. He decided to pull out all the stops now...

"Are you really a vampire?" He asked him.

Mike fell against the doorframe. Dropping his head, he sighed deeply and looked back up at Eric...

"Yes...yes I am." he said simply.

Now it was Eric's face that went white...

"There's no such thing!" He said half trying to convince himself.

Mike snorted softly...

"I used to think that too, but thanks to Rebecca, I'm a firm believer now." Mike said sarcastically.

"But...sunlight. I've seen you out in the daytime. How come you can stand the sunlight if you're a vampire?" Eric asked confused.

Mike looked out in the hall and looked back at Eric...

"Can I come in before I tell you? I'd rather the whole building not hear it." Mike said.

Eric nodded and ushered Mike through the door before closing it. Mike walked to the couch and sat down as Eric walked to his bed and grabbed the journal. He handed it back to Mike with a smile...

"I'm sorry, Mike. I was bored at the apartment and you've never told me about your life at Oxford. I was just curious." Eric said apologetically.

Mike nodded and grinned.

"Well .. now you know why I didn't want to tell you guys about Oxford." He said as he put the journal in his lap.

Eric nodded and grabbed his teakettle. He ran some water into it...

"I would offer but I guess you don't drink tea?" Eric said.

"Actually I do...and I'd like some tea if that's okay." Mike said

Eric peeked around the corner, confused. Mike held up a hand...

"First off, let me start by saying Bram Stoker got many, many things wrong when he wrote Dracula."

Eric nodded as he walked out into the living room...

"I'm beginning to see that." He said as he sat in a chair by the side of the couch.

Contrary to the legends, I can drink things other than blood. I can also eat solid food but it does give me a bit of gas, so I usually have to take some Rolaids after I do because becoming a vampire played havoc with my system. I can be out in the daytime, but direct sunlight can burn my skin severly so I have to be careful. But you know England doesn't have too many totally sunny days, so I'm safe."

Eric nodded as Mike laughed.

"What about crosses, garlic, holy water?" Eric asked.

"Don't do anything to me. Bram got that part totally wrong. I also cast a reflection, thank God. If I didn't, you guys would have suspected something was wrong right off the bat!"

"Do you have to sleep in a coffin?"

Mike shook his head.

"Nope, I sleep in my own bed. I also don't have to sleep all day either. Which is good, because you know how full our schedules are...being pythons."

Eric nodded. He swallowed as he asked the question he feared the most...

"What about drinking blood?"

Mike sighed deeply...

"Unfortunately, that part of the legend is true. I do need blood because since I'm undead, my own blood cells need fresh blood or they'll die."

He watched as Eric unconsciously bought his hand up to his jugular vein and snorted...

"I am able to control my urges, Eric. I'm not gonna jump off the couch and attack you, so quit worrying."

Eric put his hand down, embarrassed....

"I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't realize I did that." He said sheepishly.

Mike laughed...

"It's okay, I know why you did it. Most of the vampire movies depict vampires as heartless bloodsucking beasts. It was a perfectly normal reaction. Believe me, if I were in your place, I would have done the same..."

"I guess I shouldn't have to worry in the first place." Eric chuckled. "After all, you are the nicest python."

Mike giggled...

"Yup, it's too bad I really don't act like the vampires in the movies. With my charm, I'd be able to get beautiful women with no problem."

His eyes gleamed mischieviously.

"Can you turn into a bat, by the way?" Eric asked suddenly curious.

"Nope, why? did you want to see a demonstration?" 

"Actually, yes. I wanted to know what you would look like as a teeny bat." Eric said.

Mike laughed...

"Sorry to disappoint you then. Nope, can't change into a bat or a wolf or a rat or anything. I'm just little ol' me!"

"How boring..." Eric commented with a wink as he heard the whistle on the kettle go off.

He walked into the kitchen. As Mike relaxed, he emerged a few minutes later carrying two cups of tea. Mike smiled and thanked Eric as he handed him his cup.

"Yes, very boring." Mike continued the conversation as he sipped his tea. "I always wondered what Cleese's reaction would be if he woke up in his bed and found a bloody great wolf staring down at him."

Eric sniggered and covered his face as tea flew out his nose. He wiped his hand as Mike grinned apologetically.

After Eric had calmed down..He suddenly turned serious...

"So what happened to Rebecca, then?" He asked.

Mike's expression darkened as he sipped his tea...

"After that night, I went back to my room. I just hurried past Basil as he tried to ask me a million questions. I went into the bathroom and cleaned up the dried blood. Then I went to my bed and just lay there and cried softly. Basil kept trying to ask me what was wrong, but after awhile, he gave up. I guess he figured I had had a bad sexual experience and it was best not to ask."

Eric nodded sadly. Mike was his best friend and he hated to think that someone had treated him so terribly...especially since he was one of the nicest people he had ever met. Of all the people in the world, Mike was the one who didn't deserve something like this...

"Monday morning, Rebecca tried to talk to me but I wanted nothing to do with her. That just made her even more angry and after class, she cornered me in the hallway and told me that I was hers and I better get used to it. After that day, I went and changed my major...just to get away from her. That's how I got into theater. I just wanted to go through a day without seeing her smirking face staring at me. It pissed her off though that I was no longer in history class and she used to lay in wait for me outside my dorm room just so she could 'walk with me' as she put it. I finally complained about her harrassment and they got her expelled.

She ambushed me the day she was to leave and told me it was not the end by any means. I just ignored her and went on and I can remember her behind me, screaming about how I would never get away from her. And that's the last I heard of her. I kept expecting her to come back and hurt me. But so far, there hasn't been any sign of her. I think she was just trying to scare me into staying with her. She figured since I was so shy, I could be bullied into submission. I showed her though..." Mike said proudly.

Eric nodded. He glanced at the clock and pointed it out to Mike. It was almost 5 AM now....

"Whoa, I better get going. We have to go out to Jersey to film that Salad Days segment." Mike said as he stood up. "You won't tell the others will you?" He asked nervously.

Eric shook his head...

"Nah, I don't think they'd believe it...even if I did tell them." 

He put his hand on Mike's shoulder.

" Your secrets safe with me."

Mike grinned at him as he walked to the door. As Eric opened it, he passed through and turned to look at him...

"See ya later then?..."

Eric nodded and waved. As he shut the door, Eric leaned against it and smiled as he thought over the events of the past 12 hours. Sighing, he walked back into the bedroom and turned off the light...


	4. Chapter 4

Eric sighed deeply. He couldn't believe it. It was now the twentieth take and everyone was wondering what was the deal with Mike. Everyone that is, except Eric. He knew exactly what the deal was....Mike was having trouble concentrating because of all the blood. It usually started out well enough with all of them, Carol and a few other extras imitating a victorian garden party. Graham would say "I say, Lionel, CATCH" and throw a tennis ball to Mike. Mike was supposed to let the ball hit him and hit his hand on his forehead where a little button lay in his palm activating the tubes going up his sleeve and starting off the fake bloodbath. The problem was Mike would let the ball hit, activate the tubes and then stare transfixed at the blood on his hand as he pulled it away...completely forgetting to scream. Now everyone was fed up with it. Usually the pythons, trying to be professional, only allowed three takes at the most. It was mainly because they didn't like multiple takes but it was also because multiple takes cost time and money, two things the BBC didn't give them in great quantities.

As they tried to get everything in order for another take, Eric motioned Mike over. As he walked over, Eric scratched at his uncomfortable suit and frowned at him....

"What's wrong with you, Michael? Why are you getting so worked up? It's not real blood, for Christ's sake."

Mike nodded sadly..

"I know that, Eric. But it looks realistic to me. Everytime I see it, I can't help but look at it. No matter how many times I tell myself not to."

"I thought you told me last night you could control your urges!"

Mike sighed...

"I can normally, but I haven't fed all day and It's just that I'm hungry. Plus, It's all the blood we're using, Eric. It's like being hungry for McDonald's and being in a room of Big Mac's."

Eric sighed deeply...

"I understand Mike. I really do. I know how hard it must be for you to go through this. But I don't think the others are gonna be as understanding as I am."

He nodded past Mike. He turned around to see John and Terry Jones in a heated conversation. They couldn't hear what they were saying but John kept pointing over to Mike angrily as Terry held up his hands for calm. Mike turned back to Eric...

"Mike, I'm betting he's over there now talking about how unprofessional you are. He probably thinks you are goofing off. I can tell Terry's trying to keep him from walking away now."

"Eric, John's looking for any excuse to leave the group, you know that! If it wasn't me, he'd be mad at something else. That's just the way he is."

"I know, Mike, but this certainly isn't helping matters any..."

He put a hand on Mike's shoulder...

"You have to try to focus, Mike. I know it's hard but you have to dig down and pull up the discipline you learned at Oxford. I'm not blaming you, Mike. But I'm the only one here who realizes the truth. I don't want everyone else to get mad at you because they think you are being unprofessional."

Mike nodded and looked behind his shoulder. John was by himself now. He was still standing in the same spot, hands across his chest as he glared at Mike. Mike watched as Eric stepped to the side of him and glared right back. After a moment of intense staredown, they saw John sigh and stomp off...

"Better stay out of his way, Mike. He's not gonna be in a good mood now for the rest of the night." Eric said. "God, I can't stand Cleese and his mood swings sometimes. It's amazing to me that he's four years older than any of us and yet he acts like such a baby! I'm beginning to wonder if we shouldn't put him in a pair of nappies."

Eric and Mike looked at each other and broke out in a fit of giggles. As they stood laughing they saw John walk back up to Terry with his hands on his hips and talk to him some more. As he finally finished, he turned and fixed Mike and Eric with a look that caused them to break out in more giggles. John stopped and stared for a moment before shaking his head and walking away from the two pythons who were now in hysterics...

Finally after an hour, they finally got the set cleared of enough of the fake blood to continue. By that time, it was near 8 at night and the scene that had started out in the afternoon light now had to be lit with fake light. John was fuming at everyone in general and Mike in particular. As Mike stood waiting to catch the ball, John stomped   
up to him...

"This better be the last take, Palin." He said before stomping away.

As he passed by Eric, He stopped and stared at him as Eric gave him a hateful glare...

"What, Idle? Aren't you a little tired of doing take after take?" John said testily. "I know I am..."

"I am, John. But unlike you, I have self control and I don't take out my anger and frustration on other people" Eric spat back.

John stared at him with his mouth and his eyes wide open. Mike watched as once again, they had a staredown. He wished he could summon up the courage to face John like that. Finally, as the director called for places, John broke off the gaze and stomped to the piano, mumbling curses at Eric and Mike.

Eric put his hand up to his face and made sure his fake moustache was on well enough as he rolled his eyes at Mike...

"Remember, Mike. Focus." He said.

Mike nodded and cleared his throat. He was determined to get it right...

Eric turned his back to Mike and got in position as the director yelled "Action"

Immediately, the scowl left John's face as he got into character. However, when it was almost time for Mike's cue he managed to shoot Mike a warning glance once before the camera focused back on him...

Finally it was Mike's cue. Graham held the ball up and said..."I say, Lionel...Catch!" He threw the ball and Mike let it hit his head and smacked his head with his hand. Willing himself to go on, he held his hand against his forehead and screamed as the tube in his arm splurted out blood in front of him. He closed his eyes..not only to avoid the fake blood getting into his eyes, but also to avoid seeing the blood at all. He breathed a sigh of relief as he heard the sketch go on around him. He opened his eyes a peek to see Eric slam the piano door down on John's two fake hands. As John looked up with a look of horror on his face, the tubes that were hidden in his jacket began to squirt blood out of the cuffs. Mike closed his eyes again to avoid spoiling the scene as all around him fake blood flowed and screams pierced the quiet of the   
night...

****

"I'm proud of you, Mike! You finally managed to pull it off!" Eric said as he pulled up to Mike's apartment block.

"Yeah, It took all the willpower I had, but I did it!" Mike said tiredly.

"Are you going to bed? We have to have the dress rehearsal early in the morning, you know!" Eric said.

"Not just yet, I have to feed before I do. I can't stand it any longer." Mike said holding his stomach.

Eric stared at him and then shook his head...

"Damn that bitch, Rebecca!" Eric said angrily. "I hope she gets a bloody stake through her heart."

Mike snorted...

"You and me both!"

He got out of the car and noticed Eric looking ahead with an odd look on his face....

"What? What is it?" Mike asked suddenly worried.

"You do know that I have that scene at the end of the show where I supposedly get shot up and all that blood comes out of me?" Eric said looking at him.

Mike closed his eyes and groaned...

"Oh perfect!" He said under his breath. "It's bad enough I have to keep my control with you guys, now I'll have the studio audience to worry about too!"

"You'll get through it, Mike. I have faith in you! Besides, John will knock your block off if you don't. What more motivation do you need to get it on the first take?"

Mike laughed. He shut the car door and waved as Eric drove off. He waited until he was out of sight before he slipped off into the darkness to feed....


	5. Chapter 5

Eric leaned back against Doune Castle as they took a quick break. The two Terry's were busy setting up the next shot. It was now 1974 and the python's were back together to make a medieval movie tentatively titled The Quest for the Holy Grail. After the end of season 3, John had finally thrown in the towel vowing never to do anything related to python again. It had been a big surprise then when he accepted the prospect of filming a whole movie in Scotland.

After only doing 7 shows of season 4, the rest had decided to quit as well and Eric had lost contact with Mike. He was glad to see his friend again and glad to see he was looking well, considering his condition. He watched as Mike strolled around the castle grounds taking in the scenery. Eric looked up and sighed as he looked at the overcast sky. It might have been good for Mike to have hardly any sun day after day but to Eric it was becoming depressing.

He shivered in his Sir Robin costume. It had rained briefly earlier that morning and the wool in his outfit had acted like a sponge soaking up all the moisture and holding it against his skin. He couldn't wait for the day to end. He wanted to beat everyone back to the hotel so he would be able to take a hot shower. The water in the hotel only stayed hot for about half the cast and crew and at the end of the day it was a stampede to get back.

He looked back over at the two Terry's who still hadn't moved from their spots. Both of them were talking excitedly and pointing at various places on the set. Eric sighed. He was getting tired of this. The two Terry's argued over everything on the set from the script to how a piece of twig looked in a given shot. He couldn't believe they had allowed two perfectionists to handle the directing duties. He looked over at Mike who was now watching them as well. He could tell he was just as bored and frustrated. The long hours on set meant that he had to wait until almost 11 o'clock at night to feed and it made him antsy. Eric looked to his left and saw John and Graham sitting in front of the door to the castle glaring at the two Terry's and talking to each other...

Eric nodded at Mike who was walking towards him...

"I wonder how long this particular break is gonna last?" He said to him as he leaned up against the wall beside him.

Mike rolled his eyes and snorted...

"I suppose it'll end when Jonesy and Gilliam get done putting every blade of grass in order." He said sarcastically. "It's two bad they don't have the same powers as God, maybe then they could wave their fingers and everything would arrange themselves to their liking and we could actually get out of her early for once!"

Eric grinned...

"Even if they could do that, Mike, the wind would probably blow a leaf onto the set and then they'd have to shut it down to go chase it away!"

Mike nodded...

"Christ, Eric. Why did we pick Scotland? Why couldn't we pick somewhere nicer to film like the Bahama's?"

Eric looked at him...

"I thought you couldn't stand that much sunlight."

"I can't, Eric, but I'd rather have burnt skin than wet and cold skin at the moment." Mike said grimly. "I'm so miserable, I can't stand it! I hate our hotel! I don't think I have gotten to use the hot water yet, because as soon as we're done, I have to go feed. I don't think I've been totally warm for three months now!"

"Where do you go to feed, anyway?" Eric asked. "Are you attacking young women or something?"

Mike sighed...

"No, I can't do that. I've been finding mice and rats and rabbits and deer and feeding off of them." 

He looked over at Eric who had a horrified expression on his face. 

Mike shrugged...

"I know it's disgusting and believe me, rat's blood is as horrible as it sounds, but, it's either a rat or you lot."

Eric nodded...

"Well, thanks for not choosing us Mike." he said

Mike grinned at him. He looked over and noticed the two Terry's still standing in the same place and arguing.

"Oh bloody hell!" Mike swore. "I'm about to go nuts waiting for them."

Eric leaned back up...

"I'm tired of leaning against this wall. We might as well walk around and try to dry off."

"Ha!" Mike laughed. "That'll be the day!" 

He followed Eric as he walked out away from the castle. They had gotten a long way out. Suddenly, they both groaned as they felt raindrops hitting their faces...

"Oh Christ, We're in hell! I know we're in hell!" Mike said as he wiped the rain from his cheek. "I really am gonna move out of the country once we're done filming...somewhere like the Sahara where they've never heard of cold and rain."

Eric laughed as they hurried along. They ran over to a tree and stood under it. The rain began to pick up and in the distance they could finally see the two Terry's move from their spot as they, John and Graham and the rest of the cast and crew ran into the safety of Doune castle.

"Maybe they'll cancel filming for the rest of the day."

Eric snorted...

"I wouldn't count on it, Mike." He said.

He moved closer to the trunk of the tree as rain began to drip down on him from the leaves above. He reached behind him and pulled his hood back on his head as a kind of protection against the rain. Mike stared at him and did the same...

"Good idea!" Mike said pulling his hood over his unkempt hair.

The rain began to come down hard. Puddles began to appear everywhere and the walls of Doune Castle began to glisten. Eric and Mike stared at the entrance...

"Think we should make a run for it?" Eric asked.

"I don't know if I want to. We're kinda sheltered from the rain standing here." Mike said. "If we run, the rain is just gonna soak up in our wool and make us that much colder. Besides, I bet John and Graham and everyone else have to listen to Gilliam and Jonsey continue their argument too."

Eric nodded...

"I agree, I think we should wait and see if the rain clears up. Hopefully, it won't be long." He said looking up at the sky.

Eric looked from the sky back to Mike and frowned. Mike was now looking away from Doune Castle out across the meadow with a confused look on his face. He followed Mike's gaze and saw nothing out of the ordinary...

"What, Mike? What is it?" Eric asked, concerned.

Mike shook his head...

"Don't know...I just got a weird feeling...like we're being watched or something."

Eric furrowed his brow and looked again. He scanned the meadow, but didn't find anything or anybody. He looked back at Mike who was frowning.

"I don't see anything, Mike."

"No, I don't either. But I can't shake the feeling that someone is watching us."

Eric pointed towards the castle.

"Are you sure it's coming from that direction? Maybe someone is watching us from Doune?" Eric said.

Mike turned sideways. He looked towards Doune Castle to the meadow and back again....

"I don't know...now, I'm not sure..." Mike said hesitantly. He shook his head and sighed...

"Maybe I'm going nuts from being stuck here." He said softly.

At that moment, the rain stopped as abruptly as it had started. Eric and Mike stared at each other and started back towards Doune Castle...

Behind them, a lone figure watched them from the shadows and smiled...


	6. Chapter 6

Eric pulled off the soaking and stinky Sir Robin costume and gasped as he felt the cold air against his skin. True to form, as soon as the rain had ended, the Terry's resumed filming, causing Mike to groan openly in front of them. Eric grinned as he remembered the expressions of hurt the Terrys had on their faces. They just couldn't believe that everyone else weren't having as much fun as they were. Eric jumped in the shower and yelped at the cold water. He had stayed behind after filming while Mike checked out the meadow and fed on a couple of mice he found. Subsequently, they were both late in getting back and had only the cold water to wash with. As consolation for a crappy days filming....at least in everyone's eyes except the Terrys....they were all going into a nearby town for a few ales at the pub. 

He quickly scrubbed some soap all over his body and rubbed some shampoo in his hair. He rinsed off quickly trying to avoid being under the cold water. As he got out and toweled off, his teeth were chattering madly. He hoped filming would be done soon so he could back to his own flat and his own endless supply of hot water. He brushed his teeth, and after he had finished, he ran a comb through his long blonde hair. He frowned as he stared at his reflection. He was going to have to get a trim too when filming finished. His hair was longer than when they had begun and he could see some split ends. Still, his own hair looked alot better than most of the crappy wigs he and Mike wore during the Flying Circus days. He looked around for the hair dryer and remembered that he had loaned it to Jonesy the night before.   
Grumbling to himself, he went to his bed and pulled on a navy blue sweater and beige pants and his socks and tennis shoes.

He heard a knock on the door. He called out for whoever it was to come in and watched as Mike peeked his head around the door...

"About ready?" He asked.

"Yeah, wait a tic, I need my wallet."

He walked over to the dresser and grabbed his wallet out of the top drawer. He nodded at Mike. Mike held open the door and as Eric went through and shut off the light, he closed it back for him. Eric pulled out his key and locked it and looked back at Mike....

"Finally, Let's go have some fun for a change!" He said with a grin. 

 

****

Eric and Mike sipped their ales as they listened to John talk. Normally he was very reserved and moody, but the ale and the pub atmosphere coupled with the fact that he didn't have to walk around in his wet Lancelot outfit helped to cheer him up and make him pleasant to be around for a change. John elbowed Graham who was beside him and they snickered at his story...Apparently the man who was playing John's 'horse' had been on quite a few sexual escapades lately with the women they had brought in for the Castle Anthrax sequence and during down times, he had let John in on the details of his conquests. 

To hear the man talk, He had f**ked almost all of the fifty women, and not only that, he had done it everywhere...from way out in the meadow to the tiny platform Jonesy had to stand on. It was hooked outside one of the bedrooms of Doune Castle, where he played the effeminate prince and Mike played his father. John and Graham were laughing not only because the supposed Don Juan was no looker by any means, but if the stories were true, Jonesy might be standing in the man's cum when he was out on the platform...

Mike laughed politely as he sipped his ale. He was more concerned with Graham at the moment. He and Eric had been with them since they had gotten to the pub and already Graham had had about six more ales than the rest of them. He and Eric were both aware that Graham drinked, but up until the filming began, they didn't realize just how heavy a drinker he really was. 

They watched as Graham rocked back and forth unsteadily as he snorted and giggled at the slightest thing John said. Mike glanced over and saw that Eric's attention was focused on him too. Suddenly in the midst of the giggling, Eric spoke up...

"Don't you think you've had enough for tonight, Gray?"

Graham and John stopped giggling and looked at Eric who was regarding them both with a stern expression on his face. Mike looked from Eric to the pair and back at Eric who had folded his arms across his chest waiting for an answer...The sight of Eric sitting like that was enough to throw both of them into unrestrained giggling. Mike realized that although John wasn't as stone drunk as Graham was, he was pretty tipsy.

As the giggling continued, Eric sighed in frustration....

"I shoulda stayed back at the hotel with Jonsey and Gilliam and went over the script with them. At least they would have been more responsive than these two."

Graham looked over at Eric, mocking him with the same stern expression he had given him earlier....

"Oh....Eric....Don't be such....a pooper party!" He barely got out.

John looked at him and howled at his flub up. His howling laughter caused Graham to totally crack up and the two of them fell against each other laughing themselves to tears...

Eric looked at Mike and shook his head..

"I'm going outside for some fresh air." He said as he got up.

Mike sighed as he watched Eric stomp to the door in anger. He looked back to John as he heard him cry out...

"Oh...C'mon Idle! I haven't told you yet what Watkin's told me about shagging the girl on the catapult. It gives new meaning to Pitchez le vache!"

***

Eric leaned back against the wall of the pub. He took some deep breaths trying to release the anger he felt. He wanted to be back home now more than ever. He had grown tired of filming and the other pythons. The only people who didn't irritate him were Neil and Carol and Mike. Everyone else was either arguing, or complaining or, in Graham's case, getting drunk off their ass. He had grown tired of hearing people boasting too. This Watkin's wasn't the only one who had claimed to have laid one or more of the girls, by any means. It seemed like every day that they were here, he was having to listen to someone tell how they had finally shagged one. It was never any of the principal cast though, it was always one of the crew members or the 'horses' or some minor player. Eric figured that was because he worked so closely with the principals, if they did try to boast of a sexual conquest, he would soon learn if it was true or not.

Eric snorted to himself. Not that he hadn't considered bedding one himself. After all, they had been filming for three months and the only woman that was ever really around was Carol. And she had already made it clear she had no interest in any of them except as friends. Besides, Carol had been with them so long, he practically considered her 'one of the boys' and he had no interest in her either. He remembered then the day they brought the other women to the set in buses. Every male's eyes had practically popped out of their heads...except for Graham, for obvious reasons. 

The women they had chosen were beautiful but not stunning. Eric figured if you had a bunch of virgins locked away in a castle in the middle of nowhere, they should be some of the most beautiful women to ever walk the earth...that's how it always was in the fairy tales. But with their limited budget, they had to settle for what they could find. Still, they were lookers, and Eric wanted so much to bed one. The problem was they were either married, uninterested, or shy to the point of avoiding eye contact with anyone but the Terrys, who they had to have contact with in order to get their performances straight. Eric had asked Jonesy one time if the girls had ever shown any interest in either him or Gilliam when they were alone with them, to which he recieved the incredulous reply...

"No! Those women are professional actresses. Why would they be interested in shagging?"

Jonsey's reply earned him nothing but a raised eyebrow and a silent stare from Eric. Sometimes, he worried about Terry. He was beginning to think he buried his nose in those medieval history books a little too often...

Eric jumped as he heard someone cough beside him. He turned and saw a beautiful young woman watching him from the doorway of the pub...


	7. Chapter 7

"You okay? I didn't mean to disturb you. I just had to get away from all the drunks inside." she said 

Eric smiled at her...

"No, you're alright. I was just...thinking."

"You're Eric Idle, aren't you?" she asked as she came towards him.

Eric nodded...

"Wow! I'm a huge fan of Flying Circus!" She said. "I've never met a real celebrity before!"

Eric blushed at the comment...

"I don't think I'm that much of a celebrity." He said

The girl stared at him with her mouth wide open...

"Are you kidding? You are one of the funniest comedians around!"

Eric blushed deeper and chuckled. "Thanks." he said simply

The girl came up beside him and leaned against the wall..

"So, what brings you to Scotland?" she asked softly.

"Oh...we're filming a movie."

The girl’s eyes widened. "You are? That's great! What's it about?"

Eric chuckled at the excitement in her voice. It reminded him of Jonesy and Gilliam when they described parts of the script to them...

"Um...It's about King Arthur and his knights and the quest for the Holy Grail." He said.

"Wow, that's great! I love the Arthur legends." she gushed

Eric smiled. "You and Jonsey would get along well, then." He said

"So who are you, then? Arthur? Galahad?"

"Um...No, I'm...Sir Robin."

The girl furrowed her brow...

"I don't remember him....or her."

Eric laughed. "It's a him, he's the coward of the group. I'm constantly soiling my armor trying to get away from danger."

He beamed as the girl began to giggle loudly.

"Sounds like something you guys would come up with." she said

"Well...to be fair it's Jonsey and Gilliams idea. We just contribute bits and pieces."

The girl nodded...

"Is everyone in it? I know John left the series..."

Eric nodded...

"He's here. He's Lancelot." 

He looked at her.

"You didn't see them? Him and Graham and Mike are inside the pub there sitting at a table."

The girl's eyes widened....

"No! I didn't know they were here! I wasn't even sure it was you when I first saw you!"

Eric laughed...

"Well...the table they're at is kinda hidden in the shadows. I don't think you can see them unless you are looking right at them."

"Do you think they would mind if I asked for autographs?" she asked  
Eric shook his head...

"Better not, Graham and John are both pretty drunk and they might not like you coming over and bothering them. You can have my autograph though, if you want. I'd be more than happy to oblige..."

"Actually I want a bit more from you than your autograph." she said as she suddenly adopted a sexy tone to her voice.

Eric raised his eyebrows in surprise at the sudden change in her demeanor. A moment ago, she was a shy, adoring fan. Now, she had seemed to change in an instant to a purring sex kitten. He had never met anyone who acted that way. It turned him on...

He watched as she ran her finger down the side of his body, her eyes wide with hunger...

"Um, you don't wanna do it here, do you? right in the middle of the street?" Eric asked looking around nervously.

He imagined the door opening at that moment and John and Graham stumbling out and catching him. He would never be able to live it down, especially after all the stories that John had been telling...

"Of course not, silly boy! I know a cave near here where we can shag in private." she purred.

Eric widened his eyes at the boldness of the woman. He had never seen anyone be so direct before. It rendered him completely speechless, and he could only nod at her...

"Wonderful! Follow me, lover boy!" she said grabbing him by the hand and leading him towards her car...

Just then, Eric jumped as he heard the pub door open. He whirled around and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was only Mike....

"That's It!" He was saying to himself. "When they start speaking loudly in Pepperpot voices, that's the time to get away...."

He stopped and looked at Eric who was smiling at him sheepishly. His gaze focused to the girl holding his hand and his eyes widened in shock...

"Holy shit!!...Rebecca!" He yelled out. "Eric, get away from her! It's Rebecca!"

Eric's eyes widened and he looked back at Rebecca. His mouth fell open as he saw that her brown eyes were now a sickly yellow. She was hissing at Mike and Eric could see her vampire fangs. He began to pull away from her grip and Rebecca focused her attention from Mike to him. With a roar, she grabbed his neck with her free hand and rammed him against the wall of the pub, knocking him out...


	8. Chapter 8

Mike watched as his friend gave out a groan and dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. He glared at Rebecca who looked at him with an evil smirk...

"You Goddamn bitch!" he screamed." He better be alright or you'll pay for it!"

"Oh...he's alright...for now!" Rebecca said as he leered at him. "Whether he remains alright is entirely up to you!"

"What do you mean by that?" Mike said as he desperately tried to think of how to get Eric away from her.

"Oh...I was just thinking of turning him into a vampire." Rebecca said casually, looking down at Eric's still form. "I do want some company and since you are less than enthusiastic about staying with me, I guess I'll just have to take who I can get. Next to you, Eric here, does seem to be the prettiest of you lot. I do prefer my sex slaves to be good looking, call me shallow, I guess..."

Mike's face went ashen...

"Leave him alone. He doesn't deserve to be a vampire. I'll go with you, I swear!"

Rebecca raised an eyebrow and an amused grin spread across her face...

"You mean, I've been trying to get you to be with me for about 11 years now and all I ever had to do was threaten your friends? Really, Mike, you disappoint me..." she gave Mike a mock pout.

"Yes, You got me. You win. I'm gonna stop running now. Do what you want with me..." Mike said quickly. 

He looked over as Eric moaned briefly and slipped back into unconciousness...

"But if I go with you, I want you to promise me you'll keep away from my friends..."

Rebecca looked from him back to Eric and back up again with a smirk...

"Nah, I think I'll make you work for my love." she said

Mike furrowed his brow in confusion...

"What?"

"I'm going to make this into a game, dear! A little game of hide and seek. I'll hide with Eric here, and you'll have to find me before I turn him into a vampire..."

Mike stared at her in shock. Slowly the shock was replaced by rage....

"You bitch! You fucking bi..."

Before he could finish, Rebecca lunged forward and grabbed Mike by the neck. As she had done with Eric, she rammed him against the wall and watched as he dropped, unconcious, to the ground....

"No fair peeking while we hide!" she said as she started to drag Eric to her car...


	9. Chapter 9

Eric groaned as he opened his eyes. He had a throbbing headache. He tried to move his hand up to rub his hand but found he couldn't. He looked down and saw that his hands had been tied behind his back...even more alarming, he was now completely naked, and his ankles were bound also. He quickly looked around and noticed he was on the floor of a cave. He figured it was the cave Rebecca had been hinting at earlier. He jerked his wrists and ankles trying to free himself, but the ropes held fast...

His head jerked back up and his eyes narrowed as Rebecca emerged from the shadows of the cave...

"I see you're awake now!" she purred as she came towards him.

An amused grin spread over her face as she watched Eric press up against the wall of the cave. He moaned as his back scraped a sharp rock behind him....

"Oh, poor baby...did you hurt yourself?" Rebecca cooed.

She touched him on his cheek. Eric flinched as if her touch had burnt his skin. His resistance only seemed to turn her on more and she licked her lips...

"I love a man who fights. It makes it more exciting." she said in a husky voice. "That's why I've been after your friend, Mike, all these years. Half the fun is the chase."

"You have to be the most demented bitch in the world then!" Eric said.

His head snapped back as Rebecca slapped his cheek. He felt his head hit the wall and he accidentally bit down on his tongue drawing blood. Rebecca watched hungrily as the blood trickled down his chin. She put a dab of it on her finger and sucked it slowly making 'mmmmm' sounds as Eric watched her, disgusted.

"You taste as good as you look too!" she said seductively.

She took her finger out of her mouth. Bending down, she ran the finger from Eric's adam's apple down to his penis. As she touched it, Eric jerked to the side trying to get away from her. Rebecca looked up at him...

"Don't be scared, sweetie. I won't bite you....yet!" 

Mike blinked as he felt something hitting his cheek. He opened his eyes and looked up, and blinked his eye as a raindrop hit it. He sat up and looked around. He sighed as he saw that Eric and Rebecca were nowhere in sight. As he rubbed the back of his head and thought, he could hear raucous laughter and music from the pub. He gathered that probably almost everyone in there was drunk now or getting there. He wondered how long he had been out. He noticed the sky was beginning to darken, so he figured at least an hour. 

Either John and Graham hadn't come out of the pub, or if they had, they had been too drunk to notice him.

Mike staggered to his feet. His vision was still trying to focus properly, but he knew that every moment he lay on the ground, he was losing the time he needed to rescue Eric. He hoped she hadn't turned him into a vampire already. He didn't consider himself a violent man, but, he was pretty sure that if he discovered Eric was hurt, or killed, or turned into the undead, she wouldn't last two seconds with him. He wished now that he hadn't let him in on his secret, but what could he have done? He had no idea Eric would go peeking into his journals in the first place. Still, he figured it wouldn't have mattered, Rebecca still would have kidnapped Eric even if he hadn't   
known and then he would have learned that way...

He stumbled over to the pub parking lot. He had no idea in which direction Rebecca might have taken him. He considered for a moment running into the pub and asking anyone if they had seen her leave. He shook his head...they were probably all too drunk now to notice much of anything....

He sighed...this was gonna take forever. there were a million possibilities....

Suddenly he looked off to his left and his eyes widened as he saw a pair of tire tracks in the mud leading off over a hill into the meadow. He rushed over and examined the tire tracks. He was willing to bet everything that it was Rebecca. As he started to follow the tracks, he stopped and thought...This was a little too obvious, Rebecca surely knew the wet ground would leave behind impressions of her tires...so, it must be a trap. Mike frowned at the thought. He knew this was all a big game to her, but he had no choice. He had to face her and end it one way or another. With determination in his eyes, he began to follow the tracks...

**

Mike stopped for a moment to catch his breath. He had been running now for about a half an hour. The rain that had been a drizzle when he had begun, was now pouring down steadily on him. He cursed under his breath as he wiped his wet bangs out of his eyes. Now, for once, he wished he had his Galahad hood on, he could have pushed his unruly hair up under it and away from his face. He vowed that the first thing he would do if he got out of this, was find the nearest barber and get a trim. Wiping away the rain from his face, he took a deep breath and ran on following the muddy tracks...

After another half an hour, Mike suddenly came upon a cave in the side of a hill. He crept up on a little ridge overlooking the cave and saw a flickering of firelight inside. Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself for whatever lay ahead, and slowly walked down the side and around the ridge. He inched up catiously, not having any idea what he was going to do if Rebecca jumped out. He wasn't entirely sure what all his capabilities were. Some of the ones he witnessed TV and movie vampires doing...like flying and lifting heavy objects, he had been too afraid to try out. He had really spent his energy on just trying to appear normal. He didn't want his neighbors armed with stakes and hammers, barging in his flat because they had witnessed him hovering outside their windows. Now he realized it might have come in handy to know all his limitations. But then, he never imagined he'd ever have to rescue his best friend from a horny vampire before...

He cautiously entered the cave taking extreme care with his footing so he didn't trip or cause a rock to loosen and roll, giving away where he was. He noticed that the walls of the cave seemed to get very narrow at one point. He flattened his back up against the wall and shuffled through the narrow opening...

As he finally came out of the opening, he stifled a yelp of surprise as he almost ended up tripping over Eric who was sitting on the floor. His eyes opened in shock as he noticed Eric was nude. A few yards away in front of him, there blazed a warm fire...

'Thanks for not tripping on me and breaking my neck, Mike" Eric whispered.

"Hello to you too," Mike said sarcastically.

He bent down to untie the rope from Eric's ankles. As he did, he looked around at the surrounding darkness...

"Where's Rebecca?" He asked Eric.

"I don't know and frankly...I don't wanna know. As long as the bitch leaves me alone, I'll be happy!" Eric said.

Mike chuckled...

"Now you know how I feel." He said.

He looked up at Eric and his eyes widened as he noticed a line of dried blood down his chin...

"Oh God, tell me that's not her blood." Mike said fearfully.

"Huh? What? oh...no, that's my blood. I banged my head on the wall behind me and bit my tongue." Eric said.

Mike looked up as he continued working on the knot in the rope...

"What did you do that for?" He asked Eric

"Well, I was trying to move up and away from the bitch's ice cold grip on my dick, Mike." Eric said angrily "I would have moved to the side except she was straddling my knees."

Mike shook his head...

"You think after 11 years, she would have just given up and found someone else." He said

Mike gave one last tug and the rope came undone. He grimaced as he saw the rope burn around Eric's ankles...

"I guess she wanted to make sure you weren't able to walk" he said as he moved around to Eric's back. 

Eric leaned up slightly so Mike could see what he was doing...

"Even if I had been able to escape, I wouldn't know where to go. When I woke up, I was already tied up and sitting here." He looked over at Mike as a sudden realization came to him...

"Wait a tic, how did you find this place? Did you follow her when she left?" 

Mike shook his head...

"No, Actually, I was knocked out too not long after you were. When I woke up you were both gone, but I noticed tire tracks leading off into the meadow. Apparently, she drove you here in a car. I just followed the tracks in the mud..."

"A car? Did you see it? We could use it to make our escape..." Eric said hopefully.

Mike shook his head...

"No, I didn't see it anywhere. There is a ledge on both sides that's over looking the cave. I was on one ledge but she could have hidden the car on the other side out of view."

"Did you happen to see my clothes as you came in? I woke up naked as well." Eric said with a sigh.

"Nope, sorry about that." Mike said.

Finally, Mike was able to pull the ropes off of Eric's hands. As Eric rubbed his chafed wrists, Mike quickly looked around for Eric's clothes...

"I don't see them." Mike said.

Eric shook his head as he stood up...

"I don't care. I just want to find the car and go. I'll duck down in the seat until we get back to the hotel and hope that the clerk isn't at the front desk, I guess." Eric said grimly.

Mike motioned Eric to follow him. As they turned to squeeze back through the little opening, they heard a voice behind them...

"Going so soon, boys?"


	10. Chapter 10

They both turned to see Rebecca sneering at them....

"I thought we could have some fun together!"

"Sorry, Eric and I aren't interested in your kind of fun!" Mike said.

Rebecca raised her eyebrow and grinned...

'You seemed interested that night in the car." she said.

"Yes, but that's before I knew you were a bloodsucking bitch." Mike spat out.

"Oh, come now, Mike, you mean to tell me you don't enjoy the gift i've given you? The thrill of hunting down your prey and feeling their lifeblood drain from their bodies as you feed?"

"Oh yes!" Mike said sarcastically. "I always get a boner when i'm feeding on a mouse and it's dying in my hand."

Rebecca let out a howling laugh...

"A MOUSE! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU FEED ON MICE?" Rebecca said as she roared with laughter. "What is wrong with you! No wonder you don't like being a vampire! Why don't you try human beings for a change...like him?" she said pointing to Eric.

Mike looked at Eric, who was glaring at Rebecca as he was holding his hands over his privates...

"Sorry, Love, I don't go for blondes. They don't do anything for me." Mike said sarcastically

"Oh, but give you small, brown and furry any day, eh?" Rebecca said snickering. "Seriously, Mike, you need to expand your horizons. You need to experience what it's like to taste human blood. Since we're out in the middle of nowhere, I'm afraid Eric's gonna have to be the volunteer."

"How about we leave and you go find someone else?" Mike said

Rebecca snorted...

"Over my dead body...and believe me, that's the only way you are gonna escape me!"

She advanced quckly on the pair, he fangs bared...

"I tried to be nice, but If you too insist on being difficult. I guess I have to be difficult too!" she hissed.

As she came towards them, Mike opened his mouth and Eric watched as his canines became fangs. He shut his eyes and opened them again and they were now a sickly yellow like Rebecca's...

Rebecca lunged at Mike. Mike pulled back his fist and let it go, hitting her square in the jaw. He and Eric both watched in amazement as Rebecca flew halfway across the room from the force of the blow...

"Christ, Mike." Eric said in amazement. "We need to get you into boxing matches. We could make some real money." 

Mike looked down at his fist. He had never hit anyone for real, as a vampire. He didn't know his own strength. As Rebecca began to get up again, Mike motioned for Eric to start backing out towards the entrance. 

Eric hesitated, but, he knew he couldn't help Mike in any real way, and after seeing Mike cold thingy Rebecca, he was confident he could handle her on his own. After wishing him luck, he began to squeeze through the narrow opening... 

After making sure Eric was well out of the way, Mike turned to face Rebecca who had finally gotten to her feet...

"Right! It's time to teach you a lesson!" Mike said as he balled up his fist.

Rebecca looked at him and sneered. As Mike came towards her, she suddenly flew up and over his head landing on the other side. Mike turned and looked at her...

"So, I guess I can fly, then" Mike said. 

He lept up and managed only a little hop. Rebecca giggled...

"You may have just realized you can fly, but that doesn't mean you know how to do it!" she gloated. "Here! Let me help you!..." 

She suddenly lunged at Mike and pushed him with both hands. Mike's eyes bugged out as he was catapulted into the air. He let out a grunt as he hit the wall and fell to the floor. He looked up to see Rebecca coming towards him. As she reached him, he swung his legs up and kicked her in the chest sending her halfway across the room once more. He quickly got to his feet as she jumped back up. As she ran towards him again, Mike leaped up to jump over her. He hollared with fright as he flew instead. Not knowing how to control it, he flew up and smacked his head on the ceiling before plummeting back to the floor. As he shook his head, trying to get his vision back in focus, Rebecca roared with laughter...

"God, Mike, you really are pathetic! Feeding on field mice, crashing into walls...what do you do for an encore? Drive a stake through your own heart?"

Mike glared at her as she giggled uncontrollably. He looked over to his left to a group of stalagmites on the floor. A smile spread across his face as he suddenly got an idea...

"Speaking of being pathetic, It must be hard living with the knowledge that someone like me could have managed to evade you for 11 years. I mean, what were you doing all that time? Masturbating in your coffin?"

Rebecca's laughing stopped abruptly and she stared at Mike in shock....

" I mean don't get me wrong. Masturbating is fine with me." Mike continued. "I would suppose after a hard day of biting into complete stranger's necks, you'd wanna come home, and read Dracula while you fantasize about Bela Lugosi, naked or something."

"What are you getting at?" Rebecca asked suspiciously.

"I'm just saying that the prospect of fucking all these walking corpses must have been what excited you about becoming a vampire in the first place. It must have been hard sneaking into the medical college at Oxford, just so you could get into their labs and fuck all the cadaver's. As a vampire, the cadavers can just walk up to your dorm room. I personally would have just used a vibrator, but I guess I'm not a perverted little necrophiliac like you are..."

Mike smiled to himself as he watched Rebecca get angrier and angrier...his plan was working...

"You don't know anything about me." She said between gritted teeth.

"You're right, I don't. But it seems to me that the big difference between us is when I fuck someone, I want to feel a warm body underneath me...Whereas, you feel you are in heaven if you hear the steady crack, crack, crack of the rigor mortis...

Finally drained of all patience, Rebecca let out a howl of rage as she lunged at Mike...

"YOU'RE DEAD, PALIN!" she screamed.

Mike waited until she was almost to him. Then balling up his fist, he hit her, with all his strength, directly in the face. He heard the crack of her nose breaking as she flew up and away from him. He watched as she landed with her body impaled on one of the stalagmites. She gave out a low groan and then died....

Suddenly, Mike gasped and fell to his knees. He felt a warmth rush through his body and he felt something he hadn't felt in years...his heartbeat. He held his fingers to his wrist and smiled in disbelief as he felt his pulse again. He moved his fingers to his canines and felt only normal teeth. Hardly daring to believe, he let his head fall back and he let out a yell of joy...

He grabbed Rebecca's body and threw it on the fire watching with glee as it burnt...After making sure every part of her body was engulfed in flames, he ran to the wall and squeezed through to the entrance. He saw Eric waiting just outside...fully clothed....

"I found the car and I found my clothes! She had them folded neatly on the front seat." he said as he waved to him...

Mike ran up and grabbed his shoulders...

"Rebecca's dead and...I'm no longer a vampire!" Mike said happily

Eric's eyes widened and a smile spread across his face. He gave his friend a congratulatory hug. Motioning to him, he led him up over the ledge to the car...

**

"Oh, Christ...I have such a hangover!" John groaned as he stumbled from his car towards the entrance of Doune Castle. 

Beside him, Graham groaned as well and trudged along slowly...wanting nothing more in the world than to have a day off from filming...

They turned and watched as Mike and Eric pulled up beside John's car and got out...

"Where'd you guys go last night?" John asked as they walked up towards him and Graham...

Eric and Mike looked at each other...

"You mean, you knew we were missing last night?" Mike asked. "When I left you guys, you were both completely pissed!"

John cleared his throat and shuffled his feet...

"Well...um, I don't really remember much of what I did....But I do know that Gray and I tried to go to your rooms back at the hotel and apologize. But...Neither one of you were there, and I fought to stay awake because I was wondering where you guys had went. When I finally passed out, It was around midnight and you guys still hadn't shown up. So, What did you guys do that kept you out that late?"

Mike looked at Eric and back to John who was eyeing him suspiciously...

"Um...well...we um...we went and bedded a few of the Castle Anthrax girls with Watkins" Mike said 

John stared at him in confusion and then suddenly his eyes grew wide and he looked over at Graham...

"Oh my God, Is that what I was telling you in the pub?" John asked.

Mike nodded...

"Yup, and...um...the stories just inspired me and Eric so much, we decided to go find Watkins and have a go with a few of them." Mike said with a grin

John stared at him for a few minutes and then snorted...

"You're a bloody liar, Palin." He said.

He turned and walked towards the castle with Graham as Eric and Mike held their hands over their mouths stifling their giggles. Once they were out of earshot, they both let out an enormous laugh...

**

"Right, Terry and I want to film the killer rabbit sequence today." Jonesy said as he looked at the schedule. 

He looked around at the assembled cast and crew and sighed...

"Problem is, the scene calls for the killer rabbit to be living in a cave and so far our location scouts haven't found anything yet."

Eric and Mike looked at each other and smiles spread over their faces. Looking at Terry, they spoke in unison..

"We know where to find a cave!..."

THE END


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